Part of the patriarchal culture currently found in Western societies is the supposed duality of male nature: there are bad boys, and there are nice guys.  But, what many people find is that most of these “nice guys”, though they may act differently than bad boys, are acting out of the same motivation and desires: to reduce their partners to objects, or ideals, or possessions.  They appear to be acting out of your best interests, but their motivation is really selfish.  This is the profile of the Nice Guy™.  They use being nice to disguise their own selfishness.  As both a former Nice Guy™, and someone who has witnessed people in relationships with Nice Guys™, I thought I would make a little list on how to tell the difference between a Nice Guy™ and a genuinely nice person.

The first thing to remember is that both types of people are just that: people.  Their looks and mannerisms very.  They aren’t going to fit perfectly into a stereotype.  For the most part, their actions are quite similar.  The difference between a Nice Guy™ and a genuinely nice person are their motivations.  The trick is understanding their motivations through their actions.

Nice Guy™

• Often clingly.  May ask you far too frequently where you are, who you are with, what you are doing, etc. out of a supposed regard for your safety.  In reality, the Nice Guy™ wants to know where you are because he wants to keep tabs on you, like any other one of his possessions.
• Easily prone to jealousy.  Doesn’t like you hanging around other people of your preferred gender and age group (or even your friends outside of your preferred gender).  This is because he is afraid of loosing you.
• Will likely be upset when you try to put up healthy boundaries when it comes to personal time, space, etc.
• Will often want to get involved with your family/friends as soon as possible if you have a good relationship with them.  This is because he thinks - subconsciously or not - that if he forges relationships with those close with you it will be harder for you to break things off.  The same goes for the reverse of this: he will likely want you to meet his friends and family for the same reason.
• Will often talk about how important you are to him, how he couldn’t live without you, etc. especially as things get more serious.  He either really believes this, in which case it is because he has become dependent on the ideal of you; or is deliberately using it to manipulate you emotionally.
• Will affirm you/praise you for your physical characteristics and accomplishments.  This is because these are the only things he cares about: things that others will notice and things that he can take advantage of.
• Easily put off by arguments; not inclined to initiate serious conversations.  This is because he views differences between you two as freedom from him he does not want you to have.
• Is not willing for you two to be anything less than he wants you to be.  If you maintain your boundaries, he will hightail it out of your life or seek revenge.
• Will try to make you feel special.
• Will never admit to making mistakes unless you threaten him with something.  He is always right, and even if your threats get him to concede that with words he will maintain that he was right in his own mind.

Nice Person

• Will likely be interested in your activities and friends because they are genuinely interested in you.  A big difference here is that if you choose not to tell a nice person what you are up to, they will accept this as you creating safe and necessary boundaries in your life.
• Are comfortable with you hanging out with other people, because they recognize that you are not a thing to be lost, but a person who they cannot - and don’t want to - control.
• Will respect the boundaries you erect, and will have boundaries of their own.  They realize that relationships can only work if both parties are comfortable being alone.
• Will want to meet those important to you, but will leave the time and place for that up to you.  They will want to introduce you to the people they love, but won’t push you to form relationships with them.
• Care about you, but understand that they can be happy without you.  They want to be happy alongside you, neither party being dependent on the other.
• Will complement you on the things you do well on, and on your looks, but will make it very clear that what they love about you is who you are (in words, but more importantly in actions!)
• Understands how important communication is.  They are comfortable with and value disagreement and debate because they recognize that both parties are separate entities with differing thoughts, emotions, and opinions and will rejoice in those differences.  They may get passionate, but they will never get angry at you for not agreeing with them.
• Because they are not dependent on you, they are able and willing to be whatever you are ready for them to be.
• Realizes that you are special, and will treat you as such.
• Will make mistakes, but will be willing to admit them and strive to fix them.  He will apologize without demanding forgiveness.

That’s all I can think of for now, but I’m sure there are more.  Feel free to reblog and add your own!

stfuconservatives:

As they say around the playground, will never not reblog.

-Joe

Always reblog.

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